Parent Case study
Initial Enquiry: Couple Struggling to help 6 year old daughter with anger
1. Where were you in your parenting before you worked with Fiona (What were your biggest struggles?)
We were ricocheting between crises. My 6 year old daughter was having temper tantrums where she would shout, scream and cry at least 2-3 times daily. I felt powerless to react to these whilst my husband reacted by shouting and banishing her to another room. This put stress on our relationship as both of us felt the other was not handling this issue well. My son who is 4 was sidelined whilst this was going on. I felt our previously close family was being torn apart. I worried about the poor relationship between my daughter and her father had as I had always been close to my father and believed this was important for her future self worth and relationship modelling.
2. What made you realise you needed some additional support in your parenting?
My daughter, son and I were having a drink in a cafe and her bike fell off the stand she had left it on. She completely lost the plot and was shouting at all of us and hysterically crying for about 4 hours. Whilst I remained calm, nothing I said seemed to help her or the situation. She told me she was just “an angry bad child” – words I had never said to her but I think she had picked up off the back of the multitude of self help books I had been buying (calm the volcano etc). She accused me of not knowing what it was like to be angry (because I don’t tend to shout). I realised I didn’t really know how I dealt with anger and so had no ability to teach her and that I needed help to address this.
3. How did you initially find the 10 week process?
I believe week one was about active listening and from the moment we started practising this there was a break through with my daughter and I could see we were getting somewhere. Both of us have benefited from revisiting how we were parented as children. This has had a huge impact on my husband in particular.
4. What was Fiona like as your coach?
Absolutely fantastic. I couldn’t recommend her highly enough. I am astonished at how she managed to get my husband to engage to the extent he did. Professional and nurturing.
5. What do you feel was your biggest breakthrough?
For me personally, it was that I don’t need to fix my child’s feeling but just reflect back to them that I have heard it and I understand it. My husband says his was that he realised it was him that was doing things wrong not the child.
6. How would you describe yourself as a parent now? (What were the biggest changes made)
I am no longer intimidated by big emotions. I feel I have clearer principles guiding me rather than a vague feeling that it wasn’t right to shout or banish a child.
7. Would you recommend the 10 week process to friends and family?
8. What would you say to someone sat on the fence about going through this process?
A colleague once said to me that you are only ever as happy as your most unhappy child. I now have two happy children. My house is calm and I feel at peace. All because of the course. This could be them.
9. What does your family look like now, after the process?
Calm, fulfilled and happy.
“Thank you so much for all you have done for us. You really have changed our household into a happy one and I will be forever grateful.”