the 4 types of Parenting styles and their effects on kids

Parenting styles

Your parenting style impacts everything from your child’s self esteem to how they experience the world. Parenting requires much more than just providing food, shelter, an education and clothes.

Your role as a parent is so important and the parenting style you raise your children with will directly impact their development so it’s crucial to really think about whether the parenting style you are raising your child with is right for them.

“When you parent, it’s crucial you realize you aren’t raising a “mini me,” but a spirit throbbing with its own signature. For this reason, it’s important to separate who you are from who each of your children is. Children aren’t ours to possess or own in any way. When we know this in the depths of our soul, we tailor our raising of them to their needs, rather than molding them to fit our needs.”
― Shefali Tsabary, The Conscious Parent

There are 4 types of parenting styles

Researchers have identified the 4 following parenting styles:

  • Authoritarian Parenting
  • Permissive Parenting
  • Authoritative Parenting
  • Uninvolved Parenting
 
We can sometimes find ourselves raising our children with the same parenting style we were raised with. Or, on the flip side of the coin when people become parents they may vow to be nothing like their own parents, instead deciding to parent completely differently but not have a positive blue print on how to do that which is where working with a parent coach can help.
 
Take a look at the 4 types of parenting styles below and see if you can recognise which style you are using to parent your children and which parenting style you were raised with.

Authoritarian Parenting

Authoritarian Parenting is the traditional style of parenting which goes back for generations. These parents often believe that children should be seen, not heard and authoritarian parents can use the “power over” parenting style where they demand children should listen, be respectful and often resort to strict, harsh discipline methods should their child not co-operate or listen. 

Do any of these statements sound like you?

  • You don’t take your child’s feelings into consideration, you say things such as “If you don’t stop crying I will give you something to cry about!”
  • You think children should always listen, do what they are told and their opinion or voice does not matter.
  • When it comes to rules you believe it’s “my way or the highway” leaving no flexibility for co-operation or collaboration.
 
A child raised with the authoritarian style of parenting is more likely to suffer from mental health problems, display more aggressive behaviours and tell more lies as their parents haven’t built a positive, connective relationship with them.

Permissive Parenting

Permissive Parenting is the complete opposite of Authoritarian Parenting. Permissive parents tend to have very little rules, no boundaries and children are able to do what they want, when they want. Permissive parents often let their children’s feelings and needs be more important than their own so they can find themselves letting their child “rule the roost” out of fear of upsetting their children. A permissive parent may let their child have and do what ever they want such as eating ice cream for dinner and going to bed really late at night. Permissive parents have good intentions but struggle with how to parent peacefully whilst also setting healthy boundaries and discipline.

Permissive parents think that children will do best with little interference and they take on more of a friend role than parental role. If you have encouraged your children to talk to you about their problems, yet haven’t put much effort into discouraging poor choices or bad behaviour than you may just be a permissive parent.

A child raised by permissive parents may experience more health problems (due to not having their food intake regulated) may have lower self esteem and struggle with their feelings.

 

Authoritative Parenting

Authoritative Parenting also known as peaceful, gentle, conscious parenting is the parenting style we should all be striving for. Authoritative parents believe children should be seen, heard, valued, respected and unconditionally loved. An Authoritative parent takes their child’s feelings and needs into consideration yet sets healthy boundaries that helps a child feel safe. Parents with this style will address behavioural problems in a peaceful way and strive to understand the feelings behind the child’s behaviours.

  • Do you put in a lot of effort into creating and maintaining a positive parent, child relationship?
  • Do you talk about feelings with your children and help them regulate their feelings in a healthy way?
  • Do you have a close connection with your child where they are respected and their thoughts, feelings and opinions in the family matter?

 

Then it sounds like you are an Authoritative parent and are doing a fantastic job! Children raised by conscious parents tend to be happier, have a higher sense of esteem and are resilient and able to cope with life’s stressors.

Uninvolved Parenting

Uninvolved Parents are exactly that. Uninvolved. And chances are if you are reading about the 4 different parenting styles you are not an uninvolved parent. But maybe you know someone who is or you perhaps were raised with this parenting style.

An uninvolved parent doesn’t spend much time with their child and doesn’t have a close, connected relationship. Uninvolved parent’s don’t often know where there children are, who they are with or what they are doing. There is very little guidance, nurturing or parental attention from this parenting style. An uninvolved parent is neglectful and often fails to do even the basics of parenting.

Children with uninvolved parents are likely to struggle with self-esteem issues. They tend to perform poorly in school. They also exhibit frequent behaviour problems and rank low in happiness.

 

Are you struggling in your parenting and want to change your parenting style? Get in touch and book a parent consultation call today to see how we can help you.