Differences between authoritative, permissive, and other parenting styles
Parenting styles
Your parenting style affects everything from your child’s self-esteem to their experience of the world. Parenting involves much more than just providing food, shelter, education, and clothes.
As a parent, you play a crucial role, and the style you choose to raise your children will directly influence their development. It’s essential to carefully consider whether your parenting style suits your child’s needs.
“When you parent, it’s crucial you realize you aren’t raising a “mini me,” but a spirit throbbing with its own signature. For this reason, it’s important to separate who you are from who each of your children is. Children aren’t ours to possess or own in any way. When we know this in the depths of our soul, we tailor our raising of them to their needs, rather than molding them to fit our needs.”
― The Conscious Parent
There are four types of parenting styles
Researchers have identified the four following parenting styles:
- Authoritarian Parenting
- Permissive Parenting
- Authoritative Parenting
- Uninvolved Parenting
You might find yourself raising your children with the same parenting style your parents used. Conversely, you may vow to be nothing like your own parents and choose to parent completely differently.
Take a look at the four different parenting styles below. Identify which style you are currently using to parent your children and which style influenced your upbringing.
Authoritarian Parenting
Authoritarian parenting is a traditional style that has persisted for generations. Parents who adopt this style often believe children should be seen and not heard. They use a “power over” approach, demanding that children listen and show respect. When children fail to cooperate, these parents often resort to strict and harsh discipline methods.
Do any of these statements resonate with you?
- You disregard your child’s feelings and might say things like, “If you don’t stop crying, I will give you something to cry about!”
- You believe children should always listen and follow instructions, with no regard for their opinions or voices.
- You enforce rules with an “my way or the highway” attitude, allowing no flexibility for cooperation or collaboration.
Children raised with this authoritarian style are more likely to experience mental health issues, exhibit aggressive behaviours, and tell lies because their parents fail to build a positive, connected relationship with them.
Permissive Parenting
Permissive parenting stands in stark contrast to authoritarian parenting. Permissive parents impose very few rules and set minimal boundaries, allowing their children to do what they want, whenever they want. These parents often prioritize their children’s feelings and needs over their own, leading to situations where children essentially “rule the roost” out of fear of upsetting them. For example, a permissive parent might let their child have ice cream for dinner or stay up late at night. Although they have good intentions, permissive parents often struggle to parent peacefully while also establishing healthy boundaries and discipline.
Permissive parents believe that children thrive with minimal interference, adopting a friend-like role rather than a parental one. If you encourage your children to discuss their problems but neglect to discourage poor choices or bad behavior, you might be a permissive parent.
Children raised by permissive parents may face more health problems due to unregulated food intake, experience lower self-esteem, and struggle with their emotions.
Authoritative Parenting
Authoritative parenting, also known as peaceful, gentle, or conscious parenting, represents the ideal parenting style we should all strive for. Authoritative parents believe that children should feel seen, heard, valued, respected, and unconditionally loved. They take their child’s feelings and needs into account while establishing healthy boundaries that create a sense of safety. Parents using this style address behavioral issues calmly and seek to understand the feelings driving their child’s behaviors.
Do you invest effort in creating and maintaining a positive parent-child relationship?
Do you discuss feelings with your children and help them regulate those feelings in a healthy way?
Do you cultivate a close connection with your child, where you respect their thoughts, feelings, and opinions within the family?
If so, you likely practice authoritative parenting and are doing a fantastic job! Children raised by conscious parents tend to be happier, possess higher self-esteem, and demonstrate resilience in coping with life’s challenges.
Uninvolved Parenting
Uninvolved parents truly embody their name: they remain distant and disengaged. If you’re reading about the four different parenting styles, chances are you don’t fall into this category. However, you might know someone who does or you may have experienced this parenting style in your own upbringing.
Uninvolved parents spend very little time with their children and fail to develop a close, connected relationship. They often don’t know where their children are, who they are with, or what they are doing. This style offers minimal guidance, nurturing, or parental attention. Uninvolved parents neglect even the basic responsibilities of parenting.
Children with uninvolved parents typically struggle with self-esteem issues, perform poorly in school, exhibit frequent behavioral problems, and experience low levels of happiness.
Are you struggling in your parenting and want to change your parenting style? Get in touch and book a parent consultation call today to see how we can help you.
