Do naughty Steps work?
Have you used a naughty step?
A recent survey reveals that 74% of nurseries have stopped using the naughty step, while 95% avoid the word “naughty” due to its negative connotations.
If you type “What is a naughty step?” into Google, you’ll find definitions like this one: “A naughty step is a step on which a young child must sit when they have behaved badly, or the use of such a step as punishment: Be good or I’ll put you on the naughty step.”
You can even purchase actual naughty steps (with a timer for an additional charge) to send your child away when they misbehave, which might make you feel better about using such techniques.
Naughty steps have existed for a long time, gaining acceptance through Jo Frost on her TV show Super Nanny. It’s understandable that desperate parents resort to these punishing tactics when they feel overwhelmed and don’t know what else to do.
However, naughty steps cause more harm than good and should be avoided at all costs. In today’s article, I will explain why naughty steps are ineffective and harmful for children.
Children Need Connection Not Punishments
If you find yourself using a discipline method more than once or twice, and if you rely on techniques like the naughty step week after week, then those methods clearly aren’t effective. Sadly, your child won’t learn what you are trying to teach them.
Ross Greene, the author of The Explosive Child, states, “Children do well when they can do well, and when they can’t, it’s because they are delayed in the development of crucial cognitive skills.”
Too often, the expectations placed on children exceed their skills. Instead of reprimanding them for unwanted behaviors, we need to help children develop those skills.
Children aren’t deliberately malicious, out to get you, or pushing your buttons. They often communicate their difficulties through the challenging behaviors you observe. Whether they are whining, hitting, screaming, biting, or lying, children reveal their struggles to meet certain expectations and what Ross Greene calls “lagging skills.”
What Do Children Really Learn From The Naughty Step?
Parents may believe the naughty step teaches children a lesson, but it often does the opposite. Think about how you felt as a child when someone sent you to the naughty step.
A child might feel:
- Bad about themselves: They may think they are a bad person unworthy of love.
- Resentful: They may harbor strong feelings of resentment toward the parent who put them there.
- Isolated and alone: They may feel disconnected, anxious, or fearful.
- Confused: They might not understand what they did to deserve such punishment.
- Even more defiant: A child who feels disrespected, unseen, and unheard may become more defiant.
- Less likely to cooperate: Consider whether you would want to cooperate with a partner, coworker, or friend who put you on timeout.
In this situation, the naughty step teaches no positive lessons. Instead, a child may develop internalized limiting beliefs that carry into adulthood.
Misbehavior often signals a child’s need for connection and recognition. A child needs a “time-in” instead of a “time-out.”
Why Naughty Step's Don't Work
When a child experiences what we call a “meltdown” or “tantrum,” they actually need help with their intense feelings. What they truly need is a well-regulated adult who can help them co-regulate.
Regulating emotions is a mature skill—one that many adults still struggle with. Therefore, it’s unrealistic to expect a child to manage their emotions calmly.
Children also model what they observe. If they see a parent express anger in unhealthy ways, that becomes their example of how to manage anger.
Putting a child on the naughty step offers no emotional coaching. Instead, it asks them to sit and reflect on their behavior without guidance on how to understand their feelings.
A dysregulated child’s brain is “offline,” making it an ineffective time to teach lessons. This is similar to telling someone to calm down; they often can’t because their brain isn’t functioning properly. When a child is dysregulated, they need a parent to help them unpack their feelings, hold space for their emotions, and act as their emotional coach.
Still Not Convinced That The Naughty Step Is Ineffective?
The prefrontal cortex (PFC) plays a central role in cognitive control functions. Dopamine in the PFC modulates cognitive control, influencing attention, impulse inhibition, prospective memory, cognitive flexibility, and executive functions. This area of the brain does not fully develop until around age 25.
“Children experience feelings of isolation and abandonment when placed in timeout,” says Bonnie Compton, a child and adolescent therapist, parenting coach, and author of Mothering With Courage. “There is a loss of contact, which younger children can interpret as a loss of a parent’s love. Kids who are sent to their room often believe their isolation means their parents do not want to be around them.”
“Healthy humans are social creatures,” psychiatrist Edward V. Haas explains. “We rely on others for physical survival and emotional support. When we are involuntarily cut off from others, we feel psychologically painful loneliness and anxiety. For children, this feeling is amplified by their belief that they are helpless without their parents. The threat of separation from those who protect them can cause severe anxiety and discomfort.”
Nadia Sabri, a board-certified pediatrician, states, “Emotional modulation and regulation develop with the prefrontal cortex, which doesn’t fully mature until adolescence.” This means putting a child alone in a timeout and telling them to think about their behavior is generally a waste of time.
