Parent Case Studies
Permissive parent struggling with anger (case study 1)
This parent had concerns around her own anger, being permissive and giving in to her strong willed child (age 3) . This parent is a busy working parent who also home schools her eldest child.
Working with this parent over 10 weeks she was first able to look more deeply at her own childhood and how it was impacting her own parenting. Once she had done the work around this she was able to see how suppressing her own feelings wasn’t serving her as she would only express anger when she was at her absolute limit. This was a case of her not meeting her own needs so we looked at ways to ensure her needs were being met.
Throughout the 10 weeks this parent was able to be conscious about her interactions with her eldest child and how inconsistent boundaries were creating the discord in her relationship. She was then able to give her son choices, have consistent routines which created structure, predictability and safety for her children.
When her child was upset about not getting his own way she was able to hold safe space for his feelings instead of giving in. She would offer empathy, understanding and learnt which part of the brain her son was in when he was emotionally flooded. She moved away from labelling his behaviour and instead understood big feelings were going on behind the behaviour. This helped her create solutions which ultimately created more connection.
Children not listening - parent having to default to constantly shouting
(case study 2)
This parent started parent coaching as lockdown began due to COVID-19. This parent had concerns about her two sons who didn’t listen or carry out her requests until she defaulted to shouting or resorting to threats. She knew deep down that she didn’t want to parent that way but she didn’t know how to implement a more positive effective approach.
At the start of this parents sessions her youngest son (10) wasn’t very verbal, rarely expressed his emotions and he would resort to ripping drawings and paintings up when he was angry. She was conscious that her eldest (who had additional needs) would get more attention and her youngest son would often comment that she “loved her first born son more than him.” (this is how he felt).
This mum was 100% committed to this programme – doing the weekly assignments, absorbing recommended reading and showing up to the coaching calls even though at times it was difficult. She acknowledged how her own childhood was impacting the way she was parenting and that she struggled to express her own emotions which was impacting her sons ability to express his.
As she got half way through the process this parent moved away from threats and shouting and instead would resort to “playful parenting.” She started to understand that her sons where physical, active boys and still had energy to discharge at the end of the day. She incorporated a lot more silliness into her parenting which helped everyone feel more connected, commenting “It is much better to spend a few minutes playing and being more connected than spending five minutes shouting and getting frustrated at my sons.”
Her youngest son who initially didn’t talk very much now talks about his feelings and whenever he feels angry or upset if he doesn’t feel ready to open up verbally he will write pages and pages of how he feels or draw pictures and give them to his mum.
“It has been a huge mind shift change and incredibly challenging work but I am not more informed, accomplished, happier and less stressed.”
“Initially I wasn’t aware of my emotions and how internally stressed I was which would lead to explosions”
Parent felt her son was ruling the roost (Case study 3)
This parent is a solo parent raising her son (age 7). She struggled with boundaries, co-sleeping and felt that his needs being overshadowed by hers. Feeling stuck and isolated she had struggled her whole life with self doubt.
This parent invested in the Ultimate Parenting Success course as she was feeling stuck and unsupported. Together we spent time looking at her limiting beliefs around her self worth and self doubt which were getting in the way of her parenting.
This parent was worried about her inability to be present when she was triggered and constantly worried about shaming and blaming her son. We had a look at how this parent was very concerned about how she looked to others and how she often would be more concerned with how she was being perceived then her actual connection with her child.
Over the 10 weeks this parent was able to set boundaries with those outside her family and was able to focus on strengthening a deep relationship with her child.
This parent fully committed herself to doing this work, reading the books, showing up weekly to the calls and would acknowledge some of the difficult things from her past which were still present today.
Over time this parent went from being extremely anxious, emotional and uncomfortable to being present and more content. She now communicates better with her son and has let go of many limiting beliefs which were holding her back. Her bedtime routine with her son, in her own words is now “blooming.”