Toddler Tantrums

Navigating Toddler Tantrums: Understanding and Supporting Your Child's Emotions

If you’re a parent, you’ve likely encountered the notorious “toddler tantrums.” And if you’re not yet a parent, you’ve probably heard about them!

Most parents brace themselves for the toddler years, anticipating angry outbursts, aggression, and intense frustration. These behaviours often seem unreasonable and can leave parents feeling helpless.

For instance, that child who cries and screams over a blue cup instead of a red one, or the one who melts down because their toast was cut the “wrong” way—these scenarios are all too familiar.

It’s important for parents to understand that toddler tantrums are a normal part of development. While they can be distressing, these outbursts are typically a child’s way of expressing their emotions and learning how to navigate the world around them. Remember, you’re not alone in this challenging phase!

Understanding Toddler Tantrums: Supporting Your Child Through Big Emotions

Toddlers often face mockery and teasing during tantrums, which can exacerbate their frustration. When a toddler experiences a tantrum, they’re usually trying to communicate their upset and frustration. In these moments, they need a parent who can help coach them through these intense feelings, offering understanding and support instead of judgment.

What’s Really Going On?

Believe it or not, toddlers aren’t intentionally trying to frustrate you. They don’t deliberately push your buttons, and they certainly aren’t being malicious, even if it feels that way in the moment.

Toddlers are experiencing rapid brain development, which leads them to express their feelings and emotions as they arise. In fact, there’s so much we can learn from them; toddlers feel their emotions and let them out—an approach that’s actually quite healthy. Many adults, on the other hand, often suppress their emotions, which can be detrimental to mental health in the long run.

So, what’s happening when a toddler has a tantrum? To better understand, consider a few important questions, which I like to frame using the following acronym.

HALT

Is your child?

Hungry

Angry

Lonely

Tired

Becoming a Detective: Understanding Your Toddler’s Tantrums

Instead of judging or labeling a toddler during a tantrum, I encourage parents to take on the role of a detective. It’s essential to investigate what your child might be feeling and experiencing.

In an ideal world, a child might express, “Mummy/Daddy, I’m really tired. I had a long day at daycare, and the lights in the supermarket are too bright. I’d rather go home, relax, and have something to eat than go grocery shopping.”

However, toddlers often lack the ability to articulate their feelings this way—and sometimes, even we adults struggle to express ourselves clearly. As a result, we see tantrums manifest as kicking, screaming, and dragging feet around the store.

Many of these outbursts can be avoided or minimized by understanding what’s happening for your toddler and striving to meet their needs. By tuning into their emotions, you can help create a more peaceful shopping experience for both of you.

“Fiona encouraged me and gave me confidence to implement the tools and strategies that a book could never give. She would listen to the situations that had occurred and gave me practical tips and advice about how to deal with them. She would then recap and ask how things went the following week and if anything had changed. I do a lot of what she recommended with my children and the relationship with my children has flourished.”