Understanding and Managing Challenging Behavior in Children
Many parents struggle with managing challenging behaviour from their children and often seek strategies to curb it. Popular shows like Super Nanny showcase methods like “time-outs” or the “naughty step” for discipline.
While these techniques are widely known, many parents resort to them in a desperate attempt to improve their child’s behaviour. However, these approaches often fail. If you find yourself using a discipline method repeatedly, it’s a clear sign it’s not working.
The key issue is that these strategies do not address the root problem. When a child exhibits challenging behaviours, there are always significant feelings underlying those actions. To effectively manage challenging behaviour, we must focus on understanding and addressing those emotions.
Understanding the Root Causes of Challenging Behavior in Children: Insights for Parents
“Kids do well if they can do well,” says Ross Greene, child psychologist and author of The Explosive Child. When children struggle, it often reflects a delay in developing crucial cognitive skills.
It’s important to remember that no child deliberately misbehaves. They are not trying to provoke you, even when their behaviour triggers strong reactions. This is easy to forget, especially during stressful moments.
Mona Delahooke, author of Beyond Behaviours and Brain-Body Parenting, emphasises that behavioural challenges are just the “tip” of the iceberg. The real answers lie beneath the surface.
To support children effectively, parents need to shift from being judgmental to adopting a curious, detective-like approach. By observing patterns, clues, and signals, parents can better understand when a child’s “body budget” is in deficit.
Focusing on the root causes of challenging behaviour allows parents to explore their child’s unique needs. These needs may include aspects like sensory profiles or emotional requirements that are less obvious.
Ultimately, behaviour—no matter how challenging—is not the problem. It is a symptom, offering insights into what is happening in a child’s physiological makeup. Understanding this can lead to more effective management and support for your child.
Transforming Your Perspective: Understanding Challenging Behavior in Children
If you focus solely on viewing your child’s behavior negatively, it can hinder your responses and deepen the disconnect in your parent-child relationship.
I’ve worked with many parents who initially came to me with extensive lists of their child’s problems and behaviors. However, through my 12-week Ultimate Parenting Success Course, these parents began to understand their child’s feelings better. They learned positive strategies for navigating and holding space for their child’s emotions, leading to a deeper connection.
For instance, one parent struggled with her 7-year-old son’s aggressive behavior. After completing the course, she experienced more peace, calm, and connection in her family. You can read more about this parent’s transformative journey by clicking here.
Fiona has actually provided is the tools and faith to keep trying and listening, stepping back and seeing what the children are really needing from me. I will really miss our chats because I began to enjoy the act of sharing with another human being, it made me feel less alone and it made me feel like I was doing the right thing.
